Little Criminal Masterminds

I’m convinced Little Man and Little Lady are criminal masterminds.  Seriously. They could pull off a bank heist that is cable-TV-show-worthy. There’s got to be a way to harness their talent and use it for my own our family’s gain. Maybe I can hire them out as consultants to the next movie company making a government-conspiracy-story-that-will-inevitably-star-Matt-Damon-who-just-wants-to-live-a-normal-life-but-ends-up-running-around-a-lot-trying-to-win-against-the-ridiculously-powerful-and-evil-black-ops-group. Yeah, I think that could work.

But sadly, until the consulting gig works out, the masterminds are here in my house, working their devious schemes against the only available targets: Big Man and me. It seems like their most of their designs revolve around sleep-deprivation, pointy-plastic-toy booby traps, constant interruption of any grown-up conversation, and noise-induced insanity. And the kids are good. Little Man got a head start when he was the only kid around, but since Little Lady has come along, they tag team.

Their first tactic is sleep deprivation. The last couple weeks Little Man has decided that “morning” comes at 5 a.m. Really? And while I get them to take their afternoon nap at the same time on some days, there are plenty of days where they alternate sleeping so at least one of them is up all day. It’s like they plan it. And I don’t know how, but they have some magical powers with toys. I swear, it is only the fluffy, soft toys that are left out on the floor at night, but inevitably Big Man and I end up stepping on something hard and plastic and painful when we are walking around bleary-eyed at 5 a.m. I think the Little Ones must have some fairies on their payroll who come in at night and rearrange the toys.

And the kids love noise! Between endless iterations of “The Farmer in the Dell,” Veggie Tales songs, Little Man practicing his words, and Little Lady babbling, it feels like silence will never again exist. Although the up side of this is that Big Man and I are becoming masters of carrying on a conversation despite the typical 2568 interruptions.

I think the kids’ most devious plan is to infringe on any “grown-up time” Big Man and I can squeeze in. If I decide to use their naptime  to do laundry or work on the household budget, they’ll give me 2 hours of absolute quiet. But when Big Man is home and we decide to use naptime to have a little *ahem* playtime of our own, some little voice interrupts us after 10 minutes. It like the kids have a sensor for that!

Now, Big Man and I love our kids beyond words. And while all the things I described above do happen, the whole “mastermind” thing is obviously written in jest. I know the Little Ones don’t have an evil plan or do (most) things deviously. But as irrational as it is, I sometimes feel like they do. When Little Man wakes up crazy-early after Little Lady has been up twice at night, or I feel like my head is going to explode from hours of constant noise, I blame them. I get upset, as if they are purposely making my life hard. Which I know is silly, but still something I struggle with.

I’m trying to be better at remembering to pray as soon as I start feeling upset. I know if I can calm my mind for a couple minutes I’ll come back into rational thought and not treat the kids as the enemy. Sadly, I don’t always succeed at this. But, I’m praying and trying my best, and I have faith that God will bless my effort.

And who knows, maybe that whole consulting plan will work out in the future. Watch out, Matt Damon! You’re going to have to do a lot of running to bring down this conspiracy!

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